My emergency band removal plus some

Had a pretty uneventful day. Work was a little hectic because one of our 3 people called in but we survived lol. I came home and took a nap so I decided to make the best of the rest of my night so I am meal prepping for the week! Nothing beats being prepared and setting yourself up for success :)

So like I mentioned I have a nephew. I love him so much and I'm so glad he came into our lives! His name is Karsyn and we just celebrated his 2nd birthday in February. 

I also mentioned that I had emergency surgery to remove my band. Everything was going well and I was having success for approximately the 1st year after I had been banded. I had lost a lot of weight...120 lbs to be exact. I was proud and excited. At some point I must of had my band over filled and my stomach became inflammed. It must not have gone down before I refilled it again because I had non stop problems with puking and and things getting stuck no matter what the item was. We tried emptying my band again and waiting but obviously that didn't help either because I was still puking and getting food stuck. I did my best to deal with the constant pain and being uncomfortable and the multiple times a day puking. This went on for so long because I thought it was me eating the wrong things and not doing what I should have and not eating small enough bites. I also didn't go in when I should have because I had fallen off my parents insurance and I was still in school so I didn't have the opportunity to get any other with not being full time at work. Obamacare was just rolling out last year so I was looking at plans, however In March 2014 on a Friday I ate fish and then felt it get stuck. It was such a normal feeling at that point I didnt think anything of it. I tried to puke and couldn't so I figured I'd wait it out like I had done in the past. However hours later I still couldn't get water down and I was "puking" blood. It was from the constant acid production and it not going anywhere so I wasn't too alarmed as crazy as it all sounds. It was a Friday like I said so I couldn't call or do anything until Monday. You'd call me crazy for waiting that long without eating or drinking for 3 days..hell even I call me crazy but I work as a surgical tech now and with having previous surgeries I know how expensive it is and without insurance I was panicking to the max! I felt in my gut (no pun intended) that something was seriously wrong this time so I called early Monday morning and they told me to come right in. My doctor is 1.5 hours away so I left and when I got there they said he wanted me admitted. I freaked out and they took my info but assured me they have financial assistance so I felt some relief from that aspect. They took me to my room, had me down to radiology in 20 minutes. I did the barium test and they saw that my band had slipped. I was in surgery within 30 minutes after that. It was a very quick process! My doc saw me after and said my stomach was so inflammed and there was so much scar tissue built up from the constant puking that he couldn't reattach it. He did leave it in my abdominal cavity so if I wanted to reattach it in the future I could. I  was really upset about it at first and beating myself up mentally because I wanted to have a better healthier life. I wanted to be successful and be a success story. I felt like a failure. 

I was a month from graduation from my surgical tech program and adding all this really blew my mind. I put my weight loss on the back burner and graduated with high honors and on the dean's list. I took my certification exam and passed with flying colors. I had so much to be proud of and all I could think about was failing yet again at weight loss. 

Like I said my band is still in there. I don't think I will ever have it reattached. I've done lists of pros and cons and I don't want to go back to daily puking and constantly wondering where the bathroom is so I can puke. I was so uncomfortable I just don't want that life again. With the scar tissue built up I actually still get stuff stuck occasionally even though my band is not hooked. The band didn't work for me but so many other people have been successful and I'm still over the moon excited for them!!

I'm not proud of my weight at this point since I have gained almost all of it back. I have however accomplished so much in my career and made so many new friendships that will last a lifetime. I have great blood pressure and no other health issues so I have that going for me. I try to remind myself to be proud of the little things in life and appreciate all the opportunities that have come my way. I have always been overweight/obese so when my time to lose weight comes, it will be the right time. 

Regardless of my size, I am still beautiful. ♡

Oh boy has it really been that long?

Seems like I've been gone for quite some time. A very very long time. If anyone is still out there, here I am! A lot has happened since I was here last so I guess we have some catching up to do!

For the sake of time and not having a post that goes for days I am going to give you a list of things that I will touch base on and explore more as time comes.

- I have a nephew

- I graduated college

- I have 2 wonderful jobs 

- I had emergency surgery to remove my band

- my dietitian passed away </3 

- I am going on a medical mission trip

I'm sure there is so much more but being 1:30 in the morning and randomly deciding I wanted to start blogging again this is all I can think of at the moment!

I really am looking forward to reconnecting with you and letting you all back into my crazy/ not so crazy life ♡

Motivation Monday:BOOM! BMI that's whats up!... well down =)

Hey all just wanted to say hey!!!! Hope your week is off to a great start already =) 

I wanted to share with you all that my BMI was originally 55.4 and is now 40.1... WOO HOOO!!!!! Onward to more successes =) 

Have a wonderful week!!!!!!!!!!

Weigh In Wednesday!!!

So I'm going to try my hardest to stick to a weekly weigh in for you all and mostly for myself. I keep track on a calendar but it's nice to share with you all how far I have come and how much I have accomplished =)

Starting weight: 394.4
Surgery Day weight: 354.2
Today's weight: 289.7

Weight loss since beginning program: 104.5 lbs!!!
Weight loss since Surgery: 64.5 lbs!!!

Hopefully everyone is prepping physically and mentally for the upcoming holidays!!!!

 

1 year Bandiversary

So it's a bit late but I have officially made it one year with my band! Unfortunately my uncle passed away on October 7th, my official bandiversary, so here are the updated pictures finally!!!

                                                                                                          October 13th 2012

Surgery day October 7th 2011  
                   

















Isn't it amazing how one year can change someones life? To be honest I haven't done any regular exercising beyond my running around at work and the occasional walking the dog (she snuck in my updated pic lol). To any newbies or oldies (reference to length of band not age lol) who may be reading----- if it only took me one year to lose 100lbs and make the change I did with minimal exercise then imagine what results one could obtain by adding regular exercise into their routine from the beginning!!!!!

I've been kind of down lately thinking and saying to myself that I look fat when I pass the mirror and how this plateau will not go away... but I have to remember to take a moment and look at physical pictures and see how far I have come and think of new ways to change it up. I've answered my own question by writing but since I haven't added continual exercise into my program yet.. guess what I will be doing =) 
To be honest I have been craving exercise lately.... I want to run and be active so maybe my body knows best =)

Okies back to studying I go!!! See you all soon!

30 Things

I stumbled across this article last night and I thought it was a great reminder

30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself

***I went through and highlighted the ideas and remarks that stood out to me most

1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways.  They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.
2. Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them.  Problems will not disappear unless you take action.  Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done.  It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch.  These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.
3. Start being honest with yourself about everything. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed.  Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become.  Be honest with every aspect of your life, always.  Because you are the one person you can forever count on.  Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are.  Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there.  Read The Road Less Traveled.
4. Start making your own happiness a priority. – Your needs matter.  If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself, and stick up for yourself, you’re sabotaging yourself.  Remember, it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you.  And once your needs are met, you will likely be far more capable of helping those who need you most.
5. Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly. – Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are.  Be yourself.  Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else.  Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms.  Above all, be true to YOU, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.
6. Start noticing and living in the present. – Right now is a miracle.  Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you.  Right now is life.  So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future.  Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past.  Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening.  Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now.
7. Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you. – Mistakes are okay; they’re the stepping stones of progress.  If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning.  Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again.  Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving.  Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures.  One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement yet.
8. Start being more polite to yourself. – If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?  The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.  You must love who you are or no one else will.
9. Start enjoying the things you already have. – The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life – a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc.  Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there you’ll likely have a new destination in mind.  You’ll end up spending your whole life working toward something new without ever stopping to enjoy the things you have now.  So take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have.
10. Start creating your own happiness. – If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’re missing out.  Smile because you can.  Choose happiness.  Be the change you want to see in the world.  Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow.  Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it.  If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it.  But if you constantly look for something else, unfortunately, you’ll find that too.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.
11. Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance. – In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance.  You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  Most of the time you just have to go for it!  And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be.  Either you succeed or you learn something.  Win-Win.
12. Start believing that you’re ready for the next step. – You are ready!  Think about it.  You have everything you need right now to take the next small, realistic step forward.  So embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow.
13. Start entering new relationships for the right reasons. – Enter new relationships with dependable, honest people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be.  Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who show you love and respect – people who reciprocate your kindness and commitment.  And pay attention to what people do, because a person’s actions are much more important than their words or how others represent them.
14. Start giving new people you meet a chance. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made.  People and priorities change.  As some relationships fade others will grow.  Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work.  Trust your judgment.  Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory.  Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.
15. Start competing against an earlier version of yourself. – Be inspired by others, appreciate others, learn from others, but know that competing against them is a waste of time.  You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself.  You are competing to be the best you can be.  Aim to break your own personal records.
16. Start cheering for other people’s victories. – Start noticing what you like about others and tell them.  Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places.  So be happy for those who are making progress.  Cheer for their victories.  Be thankful for their blessings, openly.  What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.
17. Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations. – When things are hard, and you feel down, take a few deep breaths and look for the silver lining – the small glimmers of hope.  Remind yourself that you can and will grow stronger from these hard times.  And remain conscious of your blessings and victories – all the things in your life that are right.  Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.
18. Start forgiving yourself and others. – We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others.  And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long.  We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go.  Forgiveness is the remedy.  It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened.  It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.
19. Start helping those around you. – Care about people.  Guide them if you know a better way.  The more you help others, the more they will want to help you.  Love and kindness begets love and kindness.  And so on and so forth.
20. Start listening to your own inner voice. – If it helps, discuss your ideas with those closest to you, but give yourself enough room to follow your own intuition.  Be true to yourself.  Say what you need to say.  Do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks. – Slow down.  Breathe.  Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose.  When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity.  These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals.
22. Start noticing the beauty of small moments. – Instead of waiting for the big things to happen – marriage, kids, big promotion, winning the lottery – find happiness in the small things that happen every day.  Little things like having a quiet cup of coffee in the early morning, or the delicious taste and smell of a homemade meal, or the pleasure of sharing something you enjoy with someone else, or holding hands with your partner.  Noticing these small pleasures on a daily basis makes a big difference in the quality of your life.
23. Start accepting things when they are less than perfect. – Remember, ‘perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’  One of the biggest challenges for people who want to improve themselves and improve the world is learning to accept things as they are.  Sometimes it’s better to accept and appreciate the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to trying to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal.  No, you shouldn’t accept a life of mediocrity, but learn to love and value things when they are less than perfect.
24. Start working toward your goals every single day. – Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.  Whatever it is you dream about, start taking small, logical steps every day to make it happen.  Get out there and DO something!  The harder you work the luckier you will become.  While many of us decide at some point during the course of our lives that we want to answer our calling, only an astute few of us actually work on it.  By ‘working on it,’ I mean consistently devoting oneself to the end result.  Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
25. Start being more open about how you feel. – If you’re hurting, give yourself the necessary space and time to hurt, but be open about it.  Talk to those closest to you.  Tell them the truth about how you feel.  Let them listen.  The simple act of getting things off your chest and into the open is your first step toward feeling good again.
26. Start taking full accountability for your own life. – Own your choices and mistakes, and be willing to take the necessary steps to improve upon them.  Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will.  And when they do, you’ll become a slave to their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own.  You are the only one who can directly control the outcome of your life.  And no, it won’t always be easy.  Every person has a stack of obstacles in front of them.  But you must take accountability for your situation and overcome these obstacles.  Choosing not to is choosing a lifetime of mere existence.
27. Start actively nurturing your most important relationships. – Bring real, honest joy into your life and the lives of those you love by simply telling them how much they mean to you on a regular basis.  You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people.  Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty.  Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.
28. Start concentrating on the things you can control. – You can’t change everything, but you can always change something.  Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation.  Invest your energy in the things you can control, and act on them now.
29. Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes. – The mind must believe it CAN do something before it is capable of actually doing it.  The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful.  Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones.  Regardless of how a situation seems, focus on what you DO WANT to happen, and then take the next positive step forward.  No, you can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to things.  Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether or not you’re happy and successful in the long run depends greatly on which aspects you focus on.  Read The How of Happiness.
30. Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – Henry David Thoreau once said, “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.”  Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective.  You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.  You didn’t go to sleep outside.  You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning.  You hardly broke a sweat today.  You didn’t spend a minute in fear.  You have access to clean drinking water.  You have access to medical care.  You have access to the Internet.  You can read.  Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.

Sorry for the long copy but there are a LOT of great useful pointers in this article. Sometimes you have to step back and see how far you have come instead of focusing on yesterday's mistakes or this past month of "stuff you could have done". 

I am officially 12 days away from my Bandiversary and this makes me nervous because that's a whole year. A year of not exercising as much as I should have BUT also a year of new beginnings. 

HUGE NSV peek for you guys who made it to the end lol

remember the purple coat I got last year? yeah size 3x. Went and tried on coats last week since it is getting cold again and TA DA!!!!! 1x fits like a glove!!!!!! I will be posting pictures soon =) 

Hope you all are having a fabulous fall day!!!!

Labor Day

That's exactly what it is. Working today blows!! Make that every day I work LOL Although I did have Friday and Saturday off so I can't complain too much =) 

I found this and thought it fit perfectly!!!!

School started August 24th. Did I ever mention I'm going for Surgical Technician??? I am very excited to finish my degree and get on with my life WITH OUT schooling!!! I've been in school for what seems like forever (6 years!!!) because I can't make up my mind lol... so as you can imagine I am ready for a "big girl" job =) I have 3 semesters left. This semester I am taking microbiology as the last class I need before petitioning for the core/clinical classes. Then the next two semesters will be the core classes.

So it was my mothers birthday yesterday and of course we celebrated with food. I realized that this is no longer a fun thing for me. Not because I can't stuff my face into oblivion, but because food is no longer a comfort so I would rather be doing something physical to celebrate like bowling or watching a movie or scrap booking or even just going for a walk together. My family and I went to dinner ( Dad, Mom, Older sister and her boyfriend, younger sister, my dad's sister and me) We have always done a steak place close to our home and everyone orders prime rib except me. I've never been a lover of steak or anything with a bone still attached or if it looks like it is still Mooing. We went out Saturday night since I picked up a shift at work last night and had to be back to Milwaukee. Any who I stuck with the salad bar and I sat there eating and watching everyone stuff their faces so fast. It's crazy to me that that is what I also looked like at one time (many times to be exact) The "Fun" didn't stop there. Every year for Labor day we go to my aunt and uncles house for an extended family gathering FILLED with food. Yet another day in which I was unsatisfied with the "Festivities" It was really nice to hang with family I don't see very often but the focus has always been around food. It's obviously an easy way to get everyone together since as humans we need to eat and be social but we have strayed away from healthy foods.  It's just crazy to me how far I have come since the beginning of this journey, mentally and physically and I can honestly say I am proud of my changes!

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend!!!!!!!!!!