Saturday, December 3, 2011

Been on Hiatus

I'm sorry for not posting in a LONG while =( It's been a couple of tough weeks. I've been battling extra hard with my depression lately so I've been sleeping way more than I should and it also makes me not want to do a darn thing =/ Since starting this life changing lap band journey, one of the things I'm big about is recognizing why I have the emotions I do and what's causing them to stick around and make me want to eat badly/binge. Because I'm an emotional eater to even recognize this is truly a huge step forward! Right now it's money that's causing these horrible feelings and unfortunately because this is the season for giving... that means money is involved. 

So now that I have this out in my "awareness zone" it makes me happy because I can control what goes on so I'm not buying things to binge on. Most of this started because my grandpa had a stroke. He is my mother's father and lives in South Carolina. It was crazy trying to find my mom plane tickets out the day after Thanksgiving at 5pm ( she lives in Madison and their airport is smaller so if you fly out of there you pay more money and they transfer you to Milwaukee or Chicago anyway) I was able to find her a flight leaving from Milwaukee but she had to drive here and with traffic she ended up missing it by 5 minutes =( I was working so I had to call some friends to come get her from the airport and bring her to my work (target) and she hung out there until midnight when I got done. I felt bad for leaving her there because the next flight didn't leave until 5am so I didn't want her sitting there for 12 hours. I get a discount so I told her to do some Christmas shopping to waste some time and she did  =) The plan was to have her write me a check before she left so I wouldn't have to worry about the $250 that was gone and we forgot =( 

I also have done ZERO exercising in a long time as well and I know that's why my scale only moves up lately. I've been told that no matter what it is, if you want something to be routine you have to do it for 21 days consecutively in order for it to stick. So this is me committing to start AND continue exercising =D

So I've been stressing about my grandpa and his health.. although they just moved him to rehab so he is doing much better... and money that I don't have which led me to eating binge style which ultimately makes me feel like the biggest pile of shit. I have the band and I want it to help me so mistreating it makes me feel even more shitty =/ Everything is getting better though because I talked to my mom and she is sending me a check so that makes me feel better and I'm also taking a vacation to Florida in exactly one month which I am soooooo looking forward to just get away and relax!!! This is probably the cheapest vaca I will ever take because were staying with friends in Biloxi, Mo for a few days and then driving to my grandparents house... they live in Orlando so we wont have any hotel costs and we will be making food so no outrageous fast food/ fancy dinner bills. Plus we plan on being on the beach most of the days =D were going Jan 2nd-12th and it can not come soon enough!!!!

I mean I keep telling myself that I have handled my emotions with food for the last 20+ years so it isn't going to fix itself over night.. or even in a few months for that matter. I recognize it so like I said it's a HUGE step in the right direction. Now my question to you is what do you do when you feel like eating badly? I live near the ghetto in Milwaukee so walking isn't an option when it gets dark and since winter is closing in dark is sooner than anyone would like. I suppose anything to keep my mind occupied until the urge passes i guess would work... so what works for you????

1 comment:

  1. Yes, recognition is a huge key and you're not going to change 20 year habits overnight. I usually get on the internet and look into healthy stuff (reading blogs, healthy recipes, ... I'm envious of your vacation !